Gentlemen... Start Your Potatoes!

Drinking coffee is great.  Coffee allows people to do things that they normally wouldn't be able to do.  Here's a list of the things that consuming a good cup of coffee in the morning will enable you to do:

•  Eat a thousand Twinkies in under two minutes
• Perceive the thoughts of forest creatures
• Take the train and not die (this is probably the most spectacular of all abilities)
• Walk into a bank, demand the bank manager open the vault, and steal all the money
• Tightrope walk between two flying helicopters
• Send Morse code messages by turning on and off a vacuum cleaner

This is only the tip of the iceberg.  If I listed all of the great things that coffee allows you to do, I'd be here for at least 15 weeks, and the list would reach the Moon if printed out in 16 point Chiller font.