Of the World Who Likes to Eat Feces

Sometimes when people come up to me on the street and say "Hey, your poodle is looking a little green!", I shoot them in the face with a water pistol filled with platypus urine.  Other times, in the same situation, I like to pull up the back of my shirt and show them my lower back tattoo, the one I got while I was in the Marines, you know, the one that looks like Snoopy giving Charlie Brown a blow job.

Anyway, I was visiting the Vatican the other day when I heard a commotion.  I thought to myself What is this commotion?  The commotion was not, in fact, a commotion, but a ruckus.  People were fighting in the streets, with children at their feet.  And the morals that they worshiped were gone.  They had reverted back into the ape-like chimpanzee-encrusted pizza-loving tornadoes that they were.  It was some sight to see.  I still have nightmares.