Tumble Dry, but Only if You Want To

Sometimes the boats are the best thing in the boat world.  Other times, goats are boats in disguise.  You figure it out.

When the boats are making the rounds of the Round Table, something decides to be on in the kitchen making whirring noises.  This is the time when you get a baseball bat and start singing Christmas carols.  Walk across the moat with care, then hit the baseball with a hammer.  That'll teach 'em.

There are times that you get suckered in by drugs and alcohol and sex with women, m'kay?

Answering the phone is like the phone answer because the answer to the phone is the phone answering answer phone.

The Men Who Stare at Boats

Sometimes I think that people are just trying to make life difficult for everyone else around them.  That thought was confirmed this week when things started falling from the sky and people were using magnets to attract the metallic things towards them.  I don't know why they were doing it, they were just being douche bags.

It also seems that things that are are actually things that aren't, and things that aren't aren't things that aren't, but are things that are.  Think about that.

Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.

John, while James had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher.

Things that go on in the bathroom should stay in Congress.

New Month, Different Cakes Made of Bundt

So, thirty one things have happened since I last posted.

1. Germany declared war on the country of Timor-Leste
2. George W. Bush went back to school at Yale, flunked his first 4 classes, and then went to Europe to live in solitude as a goat farmer
3. Kelly Clarkson released an album titled "Monkeys Are Forever"
4. Twenty seven of the world's most flamboyant homosexuals organized the world's best bake sale
5. Nintendo released a press statement saying that they would bring tripping back to the next installment of Super Smash Brothers (to everyone's delight)
6. A truck carrying a load of Nokia phones crashed into the British Parliament building
7. The Greek god Zeus made an appearance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno
8. Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford revealed that he is, in fact, a Brony
9. South Park creators Matt Parker and Trey Stone won 15 more Tonys for best musical
10. Weathermen across the nation were dumbfounded when there was NO weather whatsoever for 13.5 seconds on August 31st
11. Alice Cooper and Iron Maiden played a show in Antarctica to a crowd of 40,000 penguins
12. Sharpie released a line of permanent markers that have even more hallucinogenic effects when you sniff them
13. Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig entered a hot dog eating contest and finished 3rd, behind Tom Cruise and Regis Philbin
14. Cave Johnson started publicly trading Aperture Science on the NASDAQ stock exchange
15. Green became the new official color of the Ivory Coast
16. Vermont became the first state to elect an extra-terrestrial being governor (Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't count, California)
17. More than 1,400 new mushroom species were discovered in a small town in Brazil
18. Mike Massey, famed billiards trick-shot artist, co-founded a chain of restaurants with Poison lead-singer Bret Michaels
19. Hewlett-Packard introduced a fully functional robotic arm designed to write the Declaration of Independence in the Cyrillic alphabet
20. Beyoncé changed her name to Béÿoncæ
21. The National Association for Stupid Acronyms sued the National Aeronautic and Space Administration for trademark infringement
22. The Wizard of Oz debuted on Mars
23. Pluto was reinstated as a planet
24. Jerry Springer was arrested for public intoxication after drinking fourteen mimosas at Trader Vic's
25. Selma Hayek enlisted the help of fourteen Portuguese tour guides to show her around Hollywood
26. Colonel Sanders rose from his grave and demanded that KFC change its name back to Kentucky Fried Chicken
27. Bowling For Soup released a statement endorsing the consumption of Twinkies
28. Apple's new iPhone 14SG3.1 II was released on the market
29. Norway celebrated its independence from Iceland, even though they never were under Iceland's control
30. The University of Michigan officially change its name to "Ohio State's Bitch"
31. I wrote this blog post

Pay No Attention to the Pink Poodle Behind the Curtain

Things are sometimes not what they seem to be.  Be careful people.

Seventy Four Ways to Kill a Mockingbird

What's all the hoopla about baked beans?  Sure, they're the magical fruit, but I don't think that alone warrants hoopla.  A ballyhoo, perhaps, but not hoopla.  I can think of many things worthy of hoopla that are better than baked beans.

• A fourteen hundred hour marathon of the music video for Gangnam Style
• A car show where the only cars shown off are lime green Ford Pintos
• Riding a bus to Cleveland so that you can get out and fart in Cleveland's air (baked beans might help with that, in fact)
• Listening to manatee mating calls while driving to the dentist
• Stealing diamonds from someone else's chest in Minecraft
• Changing a diaper on a chimpanzee who has eaten too many baked beans

It's odd that two of those things on that list have something to do with baked beans.  Maybe a hoopla is, in fact, in order for those wonderful things.

Ridiculously Large Styrofoam Cups Wreak Havoc in Jerusalem

Haven't we had enough of this "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe" crap?  I mean honestly, who would ever want to be a bombshell blonde movie star?  It doesn't make any sense.  Studies have shown that people who look like Honey Boo Boo's mother get more action than someone who looks like a movie star.